Feedback on finished draft

I took my finished draft in to the workshop today and found that my style needs some improvement. My style is that of reporting rather than showing through the actions of the characters. Pippa encouraged me to think less about the word count, so i have injected the piece with far more dialouge and will cut it back down later on. The dialogue has enabled me to make it more humourous which is better and change the character of the talent scout to a less nice one, therefore becoming more believable. I will send it to Pippa for feedback in its entirety and hopefully have my final copy over the weekend.

I have started researching the editor's letter, and have found under Random House Group Ltd, in their Transworld Books division, Corgi Children's Books. Corgi have published all of Jacqueline Wilson's Girls series which are what I have been reading for inspiration. She tackles some similar issues in her book, Girls Under Pressure, so i would assume that this publishing company would be well aimed toward publishing my book. They state that they do not accept unsolicited manuscripts, but for the course of this exercise, i will write as though it is being sent through an agent.