Second Draft Feedback

Have now written the story up until the class are entering the clothesshow. it sets the scene for the girls being rather vicious bullies with Millie in their sightline. She is terrified of what they are going to do, but they are left speechless as she gets scouted and photographed in front of them. The beginning feels a little dreary at the moment so intend to inject some more humour in to it in later drafts. Introduces new character of Bernadette the Teacher's Pet, that is going to become a closer friend to Sam and Millie by the end so she comes out with a new friend.

Feedback from Claire Trevor 16/04/10

Love the show not tell on character sam. definatley works best for not mentioning that he is perhaps a raving homo. pippa said we could do "extracts from the beginning" as well as just the first few chapters if this helps.

Claire also helped by pointing out the parts of my writing that were convuluted and less effective. As a first draft it needs substantial editing down, also without this i won't have enough space within the word count to reach the first climax of the plotline which i think is crucial for writing something that hooks a reader in.